Ceaseless

Sylvia is two-and-a-half and she talks. Ceaselessly. There is a constant stream of stories and chatter flowing from her lips. For the past several days I’ve wanted to set up a recording device (my iphone has voice recording feature) and just capture her going on and on. And on. While I was starting dinner tonight she was telling me all about a kitty and how if she had a kitty she would train the kitty to go potty outside and then she would say, “Good job Kitty!” and then she would pet the kitty and it would climb in her lap and then she’d get it some juice and then she’d say, “Kitty, yous tired, it’s time for you to take a nap” and then the Kitty would say, “NO! I don’t like naps!” but she would tell her she had to take a nap......and I think you get the picture. I sort of zone out, I’m not even going to deny it. I just glaze over and skip over the details and murmur, “Mmmhmmm. Oh really?” and things of that nature. But tonight, as I was listening to the kitty’s many adventures, I thought...wait a second, where is the pause button...I need to remember this moment. This one. Right here.

Sylvia is my third, and probably not my last. I know that the things you think you’re going to remember, you don’t. I know that there are treasured things, things without words, that a mother stores in her heart and the impression is sharp but the details are fuzzy. I know I’ll wish for these days again...the days when it was all I could do to get a word in edgewise. I’ll wish for the sweet sound of her voice telling me all her stories. Just that sweetness and simplicity. 

So often I learn things from my children. I can’t imagine a more humbling feat than parenthood. It’s exquisite and indescribable. And maybe this is why God uses children to speak to us...it’s sort of a sneak attack.

As Sylvia was babbling I was reminded of the verse telling me to pray without ceasing. 

I sometimes have a difficult time with the concept of prayer. It bothers me when I hear people talk about how they were so glad they prayed for God’s protection before a road trip in which they narrowly missed collision. It bothers me when people tell stories about how they prayed for the Lord to bless them with children and a month later they were pregnant. These types of prayers bother me because I immediately think about the family who lost a child in an accident despite earnest prayers before their trip. Or I think about my dear friend who sincerely prays from the deepest parts of her that God would bless her with a child, and yet still she is barren. Is God any less good to these? The unacknowledged set of praying souls? I prayed for Andy’s safety every night he went to work and I know I wasn’t the only one. I know his mother and my mother prayed too. And I also know that God isn’t anything less than faithful and good...even though my husband never came home. It is my belief that a difficult set of circumstances, and our sometimes silly belief that we can manipulate the puppet strings, have little to do with the faithfulness and goodness of the Lord. He simply is those things. He proves it in a million different ways. And I believe that He is always redeeming and loving and we just need the eyes to see. 

Of course, I prayed for Jonathan without knowing it would be him. And he is more than I thought possible. Yet, I don’t attribute his presence in my life to extra prayer. I’m just overwhelmingly grateful and humbled by the redemptive work of the Lord. 

So, with that in mind, I’ve wondered at the seeming futility of prayer. Why do I pray? Sometimes all I’ve been able to muster is a weak, “Your will be done.” Yet, that seems to fall far short of the scriptural command to pray without ceasing. 

Tonight, as I tried to memorize the sound of Sylvia’s voice, it struck me that, perhaps, God simply loves the sound of our voice, speaking to Him. Maybe He just wants us to talk and talk and never stop talking. Maybe he loves to know what’s going on in our hearts...not because we aren’t so transparent that He can’t see everything anyway, but because He WANTS to hear about it from us. Because that’s a relationship. Because He is our Father....funny how that’s the beginning of the prayer Jesus taught the disciples, “Our Father...”

Maybe God doesn’t just want those agenda driven prayers...the ones everyone gets so excited about, like when the cherries line up on the slot machine. Maybe He wants a dialogue, an ongoing discussion. Openness. Ceaseless chatter.